What I'm thinking right now?

As I sit here, suffering from mild insomnia, I think about what I always think about. Trying to make it. How to live the life that fulfills my deepest desires and provides financial security for my now growing family. It's a thought that dominates my mind on most days because both desires are strong. The desire to live well and the desire to live securely both thrive in me. Most text say the two can't co-exist but this is what I know. I want to be happy and I want it in all moments of my life, including the ones in which I'm earning a pay check. It's truly what I've always wanted but was afraid to say as I was ushered from private school to private school.Now that I'm going to be a dad I feel duty-bound to make sure my little one has all that it needs but I want to teach my kids that a job doesn't have to something you simply do, but rather something you love. I want to teach it to myself.Where this drive will lead me? I don't know. I do know that I will read all the texts I can on the subject and may be I will be emblazened with the courage to do what those books say and what God has put in my heart.